Thoughts of an Anarchist

If you want the myspace, by the way, it can be accessed at le link. I seem to have chose to keep it after all. We’ll see how it works out. 

Also, Dad just quit work. Well, balls.

x

Shit, to be perfectly honest.

I can’t sleep because I feel sick and keep having nightmares, I feel stupid and pointless myself and keep wanting to beat myself round the head because I’m so useless, and I am in no way ready. You do of course all realise that tomorrow it really kicks off. Now it’s a no-breaks ride to examville, and by no breaks, I also mean no brakes. As in we can’t stop it or control it, and there’s no stops for coffee.

 You’ve seen those signs, right? The ones that say “Tiredness Kills - Take A Break”? Well, WHY has nobody informed AQA of this? Indeed, why has nobody informed my brain of this? “Hey, Abbi, STOP THINKING. GO TO SLEEP.” Uh, no, I can’t. 

Possibly I shouldn’t have just watched Recovery before typing this, which, whilst a wonderful drama that had me gripped and laughing and crying and all sorts, was utterly heartbreaking, and now I’m depressed. Except I was already. Because I think that I’m going to let everyone down and I’m letting myself down and I simply can’t do it. I can’t. I cannot face going into school and smiling at Mrs P in the morning when she asks “How’re you feeling, Abbi?” and I say “Very well, thank you, Miss.” And then Miss S says “Are you okay, Abs? Coursework going alright, yeah?” “Oh, fine.” And then Mr BLOODY C says “Oh, blah, my holidays, blah blah, where are your essays, Abigail, hmm?” and I say “Not quite finished, Sir,” and seriously what is my motivation problem at the moment?

I can’t take home either. Dad is shouty and all of a sudden he’s ill. His leg, it’s all infected and swollen and he needs my mother to do his shoelaces for him. And obviously we all know what the mother problem is. Well, guess how it was getting better? Yeah, it’s getting worse again. And geez, I know there are people a lot worse off than me and I’m just moaning, I really am, but ARGH. I want to sleep. I want to curl up into a ball and sleep for ages and I want a cuddle again and I want to just fuck all the exams and go walking to nowhere and never have to ever take an exam ever again. I said this to my mother and she said “I’ll love you whatever you do.” Well, of course you will, you’re my mother. But it doesn’t mean I can quit what everyone else is managing, does it?

I HATE THIS FEELING. 

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. FOR ANYTHING. 

Somebody, and I name no names, Fish and Jim, has made me a myspace. Now, bearing in mind how long I have been anti-myspace, I face a dilemma. Should I keep the myspace and accept that, inevitably, the world wants me to have it and I cannot hold out against the tide, or delete it and condemn what might have been to be just that?

I leave the decision in your capable hands.

What happens when Jim takes Abbi to the cinema? A night of hilarity!

We went to see ‘Hot Fuzz‘, and, whilst not as good as Shaun of the Dead (and what is?) it was still superb. In some ways I even preferred elements to Shaun, perhaps due to the fact that I’ve watched Midsomer Murders and could fully appreciate the amusing deaths though I’ve never seen a Zom Com, or even a plain Zom. The film is reviewed superbly here but I thought I’d just mention that it is superb. Indeed, the majority of films I’ve seen recently have all been superb, though, having seen the more recent trailers, everything aside from Charlotte’s Web looks to be absolute shite. Who wants to come and see Charlotte’s Web with me, by the way? Anyone?

Yarp?…Narp?

I missed Top Gear AGAIN. The one programme I watch a week and I missed it. Argh. Last week’s was both hilarious and irksome. What were they playing at? Seriously, I’m amazed they weren’t killed. Bless them.

And I also watched Donnie Darko a few days ago, with the esteemed Ms. Jenn, and it was terrifying. Purely because of the bunnies. Why, why, why did I watch a film about RABBITS? Why?! And then we watched Trainspotting. I’d forgotten how good that thing was. I think Jenn was mildly disturbed by it though.

At any rate, go see Hot Fuzz, if you see nothing else this month.

Will be reviewing the play at some point.

Abs x 

Jesus Christ, we’re performing tomorrow and I am SO terrified. 

You know how I’ve been saying I’m scared and everyone’s just been thinking ‘Huh, she always says that’? Well, I actually am so terrified I was nearly sick earlier. That is how scared I am.

And I don’t want it to be over. And I don’t want not to do it, and I don’t want to do it, and I can’t explain why I’m scared, which Eiphel says makes it a phobia. Well, fuck that.

7.30. Tomorrow.

Come.

Abs x 

I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

SNOW DAY!

… again. BUT today we will all be meeting up for fun and frolics and games, and then a lovely party.

Leviticus Sarm Sploogle the Third (my snowman) is no more; the snow was too much for his small body and he has been swamped. I am hoping to rebuild him later, and also to make a Snow Mendel. Poor Leviticus - we hardly knew thee.

I cannot find my camera. This is annoying, as is the lack of rehearsal and the fact the YPC have called a press conference NEXT THURSDAY OH LORD WHY NEXT THURSDAY WHY WHY WHY?!?!

Gnuh. I have been writing, but it’s all a bit shit. I found an old piece that’s alright, though, might type it up later…

And… uh…

Spot the zebra.

So, I noticed that Films and TV in my category list was looking a wee bit pathetic, coming just above the HUGENESS that is Life. So I racked my brains and here is my conclusion; a rant about Why Doctor Who Is Awesome.

Now, since this will take a while, I’m asking for some collaboration. So, those of you with little better to do, who like Doctor Who and want to chat about and help me write a rant on the subject, contact me please. Leave a comment or buzz me on MSN. We will be dissecting the bad bits, looking at why the good bits are good, and discussing what is better; old or new series. We’ll even be doing some mindless squeeing in points, and some ANGRY CAPSLOCK in others. It will be just like a review. Only more biased and more fun.

So, watch out for…

Doctor Who: The Fans Hit The Shit

Abs x

So, to echo those around me:

SNOW DAY!

I have made a snowman and I need your help in naming him. Any ideas? He is short; his hobbies include wearing stylish flowepots on his head and teatowels round his neck, and being made of snow.  Pengi is also having a thrilling time - obviously this is his natural habitat, and so he and I frolicked in the snow for about half an hour, and made snow angels, snow penguins, and all sorts of things. Wot larks, eh Pengi?

Sliiiiiiide.

Mhmm.

And my Fizziks is done, I’ve nearly written up my English; life is glorious.

PLUS we get today off in rehearsal.

Squee! I love you, Mother Nature!

Abs x

Right. Tickets are officially on sale.

Would be appreciated if you could buy in advance; that way we might get a matinee.

ERK WE’RE ACTUALLY DOING IT. =D

Also, last night I saw The Chronicles of Hoggett and Webb, and it was freaking awesome.

I have actually never laughed so hard. Political satire in a nicely non-political way, with general, gentle stabs at the system of bureaucracy thrown into a piece that had us rolling in the aisles. Right at the beginning, I said to myself ‘Oh, I bet Hoggett’s gay.” However, I always think people are gay, so I put it to one side. What happened at the end? “I LOVE YOU, MR WEBB!” I win.

We had a laugh going for chips beforehand and helping put out the chairs in their soundcheck (“Touch me, hold me, stroke me, Mr Webb! It feels like a lunch day!”), but the actual play itself was awesome. It really was. Can’t wait to write essays on it.

However, my huge review I was writing yesterday is now irrelevant, because after rehearsal tonight this happened:

“Right. Either you’ve all gone away and learnt to act, or that was sheer fluke. Either way, that was fucking superb.”
“Uh…?”
“Absolutely superb. All of you.”
“… Dom?”
“Yes?”
“Was I.. was I firm enough?”
“You were firm enough.”

I AM FIRM ENOUGH, GUYS! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! I! CAN! DO IT!

YIPPPOOOOOOO!

Abs x

P.S. Happy Goldberg Day.